I am writing today about a matter very near and dear to my heart. As a Marketing professional (former waitress, retail clerk & telemarketer,) customer service is familiar territory. And it isn’t easy; in fact, I have more respect for customer service representatives than I do for most professions. That being said, it PAINS me every time I have to pick up the phone and call customer service, ANY customer service (save a few that I will list as the silver lining below.)

And I don’t mean to kill the messenger either, but what is the deal?!?!?!! I know you get a million complaints a day – but your job is to SERVE the CUSTOMER (it’s in your title after all;-) And if you can’t take the heat, GET OFF THE PHONE!!!!!! I have had more trouble with one company (who shall remain nameless, but appears in the following SNL skit) that I am literally at my wits end!!!! I have written letters (since the phone calls obviously get me nowhere) upon letters, to no avail. You would think, in this current economic situation, companies would be doing EVERYTHING they can to hold onto their customers…

If you don’t have time for the whole clip, skip to about 3:30

The silver lining, as promised, is the following companies, whose customer service literally sets them apart. I highly recommend:

- Charles Schwab
- OC Mazda
- Verizon Wireless

I’m no occupier, but here’s a hint to big companies… THINK SMALL – it’s the little people that count and social media gives us a LOUD voice!

Please forward this to your friends and let me know your thoughts! I’m on a mission to be heard!

Today, the entire world looked on as a video showing HP’s facial recognition software failing miserably hit the mainstream. While the video was put onto youtube last week, the video didn’t hit the front pages of the news sources until today – and was met with immediate response all over the internet. Twitter was filled with tweets, the web was filled with articles, and HP was in a rush to get their statement out.

15 years ago, were a company to face something this disastrous with one of their products, there would have been no way for the world to hear about it so quickly – or through so many channels. They would have had some time to develop a statement, see exactly where they needed to target and chose the right media outlets to talk through. Now, they have to be able to respond almost instantly and in many directions. It is a much scarier world for companies who deal with customers…

While large companies have always had PR teams in place, writers ready to prepare statements and ways to spin stories, small businesses often don’t have the resources for this protection. But, that doesn’t mean it is okay to let it slip aside. It is almost more important for small companies to know what to do if your product fails because of the smaller number of customers you work with. If HP loses one customer, what does that mean to them? Not much. What if you were to lose one customer? Means a bit more, right?

Does your business have a disaster plan ready? Why or why not?

Unless you have been under a rock for the last 2 months, you know that Droid hit Verizon stores on the 6th. I was estatic! I was so excited to have a touch screen plus real keyboard, apps and more on the Verizon network (because really, At&T? Get some service!). Anyway, it took me until this weekend to get to the store to go check it out, as I will never buy a phone without playing with it and asking a million questions first. Anyway, onto the 10 reasons that I hate the droid:

1. Their commercials make you want one really badly
2. The screen is awesome, the keyboard kicks ass, and they own the tech
3. It is on the Verizon network!!
4. It runs multiple applications easily
5. It is small and easy to carry
6. There are really cool covers for it in pink!
7. The price point is reasonable for a phone
8. The screen is easy to read and the touch is responsive
9. It shows real version of websites, instead of ‘mobile’ versions
10. The camera on the phone has more megapixels than my current digital camera

So maybe I should explain why these seemingly awesome things make me hate the droid? If you’re anything but a google fiend, you should know the answer.

Verizon took a huge step forward in partnering with google and android and creating the new droid phones. The commercials were awesome. The phone looked great and from most reviews, worked awesome as well. But it had one massive failure – verizon let google monopolize the phone. For example, here is what I learned about the phone while at Verizon:

1. I can’t sync my email without a gmail account
2. I can’t sync my calendar, tasks or contacts without a gmail account
3. Even with an exchange server, syncing doesn’t work well
4. I can’t buy apps without a gmail account
5. The apps you can get don’t run properly without a gmail account
6. Google runs everything on the phone
7. Google doesn’t allow non-google approved applications like ubertwitter
8. Yahoo? Nope, no access to that either.
9. Google and gmail are not user friendly
10. Did I mention google monopolized it completely??

The phone looks cool, the buttons work well, it covered all the things that the iphone can’t do (pics in the dark anyone?), runs multi applications and has both a real keyboard and a virtual keyboard…but it is designed to completely alienate anyone who doesn’t live and die by google.

So, I guess I’ll be waiting until the end of the month for the new Blackberry Curve…

We’ve all seen those ads. The ones that make you shake your head because you can’t believe someone spent that much money on something that ridiculously pointless. These 4 are just the most recent I’ve seen…

Ford Escape – “Our drivers have no idea how to put gas in a car without spilling it all over themselves, so we’ve removed the gas cap!”

Jack in the Box: The only thing you’ve sold me on is that Jack is an idiot.

Geico the Gecko Temp?? Um, apparently your HR department needs some serious help.

Ikea – 3 words: Serial Killer Daughters.

What commercials make you cringe?

Awhile ago, I ordered some stationary from Vista Print. A site I was on had a great discount for them, so I decided to try them out (good prices, why not?). Unfortunately, my one order from them apparently read “I want you to email me with every offer you have”. About once a week I get an email with some great deal on something or other that they just didn’t want me to miss. Normally, I just trash them and don’t even look at the email. But this week, I was caught by surprise. The subject line for the email was “Sorry to bug you…” and my curiosity wondered if maybe they had figured out I wasn’t going to order anything else and this was their final email to me? So I opened the email. Nope, not the final email:

Just a clever tagline to tie into their current marketing promotion (see the little ladybug?). But what it really did was bug me even more than it would have were it a blatant “I want to sell you crap” email. I honestly thought they might really be sorry, that just maybe they were a company who didn’t want to annoy their mailing list to death and that they were really fixing their strategy. Instead, I realized even more that they are just another company who doesn’t listen to their buyers and cares even less about maintaining relationships with their buyers. The list of products isn’t even pertinent to me! I did cut off a bit of the bottom, but I assure you, not a single item on this list was stationary, the only thing I ever ordered from them. Which means this same email probably went to everyone. Really? How hard is it to create a couple different ones??

Maybe it’s just me, but I have zero understanding about why they think this mass mailing is going to work.

When I think about a bank, I want security first and foremost. I want to know my money is safe and that my bank will be there when I need it. With the problems in the economy, and the failure of many of the big banks, the last thing that someone is thinking about when it comes to their bank is luxury, extravagance and arrogance.  Apparently Chase has either forgotten this, or just chosen to ignore it.

After the buyout of Washington Mutual by Chase, their marketing team needed to come up with a powerful way to introduce themselves to the California market. Instead of crafting a genuine commercial talking about the security of the bank, all the services it can offer you, the changes they are making to improve banking in general and why you should bank with them, they crafted this:

Really? This is supposed to make me feel safe with you as my bank? This is supposed to lower the concern for what is happening to my money and my accounts. Yep, people in a diner, the dude on the surfboard and the hot air balloons scream security to me too! And what about those of us who aren’t Wamu/Chase members? How does this advertisement invite me in to learn more? What about this ad tells me that I should trust Chase to be my bank and manage my money? Leading your audience with a nonsensical video montage and a track that has nothing to do with anything (We all shine on???)  is not the way to win our trust or our money. It is a great way to embarrass yourself and your marketing team, though.

On top of their television ads, Chase has crafted a new slogan: “Chase What Matters”. Depending on which side of the coin you’re looking at, it is either insinuating that you should chase what matters to you (and they’ll give you the money for whatever you want) or they are telling you that Chase is what matters. Isn’t this how we got in this whole mess in the first place?  Don’t have the money to buy that boat you’ve always wanted? No problem, we’re a big established bank so you can trust us to give you the money to go and get what matters to you – whether you can afford it or not.  And the big financial institutions’ arrogance through this whole process!  Don’t regulate us, we know what we’re doing.  And now Chase is what matters.  Right.

What matters is that we don’t like you and we’re taking our money elsewhere.

What can $120 million media buy get you?

Hopefully a new brand. But if you’re Brinks Home Security, you might as well have set that money on fire.

On July 1st, Brinks Home Security revealed that they would be separating themselves from the red trucks and armored guards we all associate with security and would be renaming their home security brand to Broadview Home Security.  Huh?

They started their campaign with a collection of new ads run on an aggressive media push:

Did you catch why they changed their name? Me either. They’ve poured money into ads that explain nothing. They’ve grabbed your attention just like they used to, and terrified you about home invasions. But all of a sudden the name is different without any explanation…that’s a little terrifying too.

How could the campaign be improved and be more effective at both selling the service while establishing the brand transition? Easy. How about answering the questions that you know everyone is going to be asking when the ad ends instead of just showing a new logo?

Let’s start with: Why are you changing the name in the first place? People know Brinks. They know what it means. They know the brand. Brinks is serious security – trucks, guns, tough black suits. You know your money is protected with Brinks, why not extend that to the home as they’ve done in the past? Clearly there’s a business decision behind this but c’mon, we’re adults we can take, go ahead and tell us the reasoning behind the decision to change the name and let us embrace you as smart business people serious about security, not awful marketers.

Once we’ve established the reason for the change, then we can move on to: What’s Broadview and why did you choose it? What new services are you offering? Are you better, stronger or more secure now? Did you improve my services in anyway?  Create and establish a believeable, marketable strategy for the name so that existing customers feel secure with the change and potential customers establish an understanding for the brand and the company behind the brand.

Those are the tough questions these ads should be answering, otherwise they are just pouring the $120mil down the drain.  What their competition should do now is to run a switch campaign to capitalize on the uneasy feeling existing Brinks customers will have with this sudden shift.  Most consumers don’t realize that you can switch your service provider anytime you like.  Just because you have Brinks branded security panels in your home  doesn’t mean that you have to use them for monitoring and you can just as easily use ADT or another provider, which at this point seems like a pretty good idea.

This all seems pretty shaky to me.  If your brand is all about security, you don’t want your customers thinking your company isn’t secure, do you?

Is that a blow-up doll?

Yep, it’ll blow alright – your ad, your brand and hopefully your job.  And not in a good way!  Let’s see, if we have  a really disgusting looking sandwich, how can we make it more appealing to men in the 18-35 demo? Oh, I know, let’s bring sex in!  Sex always sells right?  Yes it usually does do the trick but not when you’re selling cheap, greasy food and comparing it to a blow job.  7-inches of hot meat?  Let’s see, what does that remind us of?  Oh, I know…giggle…giggle.  I can just see the little goatee sporting, skinny jeans-wearing creative toads at the agency (reportedly NOT CP&B, but an agency servicing Singapore for BK) sitting around giggling about hot meat and blow jobs when some one finally said “That’s it!”  We can degrade women, insinuate about the sex we’re not having and win a ComArts award! Let’s do it.

The brand?  Aww, the brand sucks anyway – get it? Sucks? Blow? Meat?  Fire them and fire them now.

I know all the other blogs have done what I’ve done too and made sure that CP&B wasn’t given credit for this piece of trash.  But aren’t they BK’s global agency of record?  Shouldn’t they have had creative say-so in this? I’m sure Bogusky ranted to his crew about how this is the kind of work he expects from them here.  Nice work. Frankly it blows and you blow.  Time’s up CP&B.

img courtesy of Carl's Jr.com

I absolutely hate the Carl’s Jr Bourbon Burger-aholic ads. But they just keep running them. And they absolutely should.

Why?

Well, as much as I hate the ad, the demographics for this burger is not me (24 yr old female). Carl’s Jr is trying to attract the 18-29 yr old male, and talking about alcohol and a big burger will do just that. Referring to the eaters as -aholics makes the male listeners laugh (as proven by my husband who is in their demographics) and pay attention. Pretty smart, right?

Whether there really is any actual Bourbon in the burger, being able to think there is whets their whistle and makes the product that much more interesting (again, within this demographic). On top of all of that, Carl’s Jr. even gave the eaters their own eat responsibly site, promoting the fact that you must be careful when consuming the burgers. Silly and immature? Maybe. Does it work? Judging by recent press releases, they are definitely not hurting.

It just goes to show, one woman’s commercial hell is another man’s advertising dream.

Are you thinking about the right demographic when creating your advertisments?